


Feathers On My Breath

by Sashataakheru



Series: '...And You Will Know Us' Archangel AU [2]
Category: The Move RPF
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, Dreams, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Judaism, Mental Illness, Otherkin, Survival, Wingfic, alternate universe: archangels, alternate universe: transgender, gender neutral pronous, incarnate angels, phantom wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 13:40:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/837510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the world darkens around Ace, and all hope is lost, xyr wings shine a light towards Ha-Shem's love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feathers On My Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'wings' for hc_bingo round four. My card is [here.](http://3evilmuses.dreamwidth.org/68153.html)
> 
> This is an Incarnate Jewish Archangel Otherkin AU. Ace is the incarnate Archangel of Death, Azrael. This fic contains the name of G-d; if you print it out, please treat it with respect. Ace is FtX, which is female to androgynous.

Xyr wings had always been there. Even when xe didn't know what xe was, when all xe thought was that xe must be some sort of freak, xe still loved xyr wings. Nothing brought xem comfort like xyr wings. Xe loved the soft feel of them against xyr back, feeling how heavy they were. Xe could wrap them around xemself, making sure xe was safe. No one could hurt xem when xe had xyr wings around xemself.

It wasn't always so good, though. Xe remembered, a long time ago, when xe would feel the wings against xyr back, and pretend xe was an Angel. Xe made a pair of wings one afternoon and wore them until they broke, taking joy at the fact xe had solid wings on xyr back. But that was alright when xe was a child, and was allowed to play pretend. Xe was allowed to pretend to have wings, because children always did that at that age.

Ace was as surprised as anyone else that the wings continued to be present when xe got older. As xe became a teenager, and began to grow into adulthood, xe could still feel the wings there, stronger than ever. The strange dreams had started, and they didn't make much sense to xyr. Xe tried to find religious help, but the Christian minister turned xem away, telling xem it was just a dream, they were just wonderful dreams. But Ace knew better.

The dreams had become a safe place, too. Xe could fly in xyr dreams, with real wings. When someone decided to hit xem, or tease and bully xem for being different, xe would run and hide, and in the dark, far, far away from everyone, xe would wrap xyr magical wings around xem, and think about those dreams. Xe would imagine being in Heaven, flying all the way through the blue sky, to find what it was like up there, to be with the other Angels.

Xe knew, in xyr heart, that was where xe belonged. Xe knew it deep within xyr soul. But it took a long time to come to terms with that. It took a long time to find anyone who would believe xem, and when a rabbi finally did, and listened to Ace for the first time in xyr life, things began to change. 

The wings grew ever more present. They grew larger, and Ace began to see them glowing white on the ground as xe walked, as if xe could light the way with xyr wings. Xe began to walk differently, to accommodate the growing wings. Xe didn't know exactly how large they were, but they could stretch quite a distance now, and while there was always a constant tugging on the back of xyr shoulders, where the wings were attached, it was so imperceptibly small that it was as if they weren't there at all. And yet, they were present as if they were real, with all the weight they brought. 

It was a strange sensation, to feel heavy solid wings that weighed nothing. Xe spent so long in front of mirrors, when xe could stand to look at xyr reflection in xem, trying to reach back and touch them, to feel that they were real. Xyr hand coming into contact with the wing bones always brought great relief. They hadn't disappeared. The wings were still there, like they were meant to be.

The moment when xe was finally shown the true extent of xyr powers was burnt into xyr brain. Xe remembered the waters of the mikhvah, of the soul of the Archangel Azrael making xyr presence finally known, and how xe had spread out twelve wings behind xem in some sort of glorious display. Xe had never seen anything so beautiful in xyr life, and would never see it again, not like that. 

Xe became obsessed with the wings after that, and with the Archangel. Xe knew, then, what xe really was, and why xe felt so out of place in the world. Everything made sense, and owning that identity amongst the madness that followed was the only thing that brought xem any sanity. There were times when xe was so close to psychosis that xe couldn't find reality anymore. The Archangel showed xem images of Heaven, showed xem what it really felt like to feel Ha-Shem's love, to be clutched close to His breast as one of His beloved Angels. Ace loved that sensation almost as much as xe loved the wings. 

But the wings always won out. Every time xe became distressed, xe would lie down, and with xyr wings wrapped close around xem, xe felt safe. Xe would concentrate on the sensation of feather against skin, of how the wings, warm with heat, vibrated ever so gently. Xe would focus on their size and weight, how they pressed against xem and around xem. Xe held onto how the wings made xem feel when the world closed in around them, because, for many years, xe had no one but xemself for comfort. Nothing but the wings would hug away the pain. 

Xe hated that xe needed them so much, but they were the only physical reminder xe had of where xe'd come from, and knowing xe was an Archangel, knowing xe had once been up in Heaven, rather than cursed in Gehinnom with the sinners like xyr family expected, was a desperately needed comfort. The wings were a reminder of Ha-Shem's presence, warm and tight around xem like a blanket. Whenever the world got too dangerous, when strangers would threaten and hurl abuse at the strangely dressed Angel walking down the street, xe would wrap xyr wings around xyr body and walk faster, praying the wings would shield xem from harm. 

Sometimes, they didn't, but Ace never hated the wings because of that. They weren't a shield made from plate amour. Xe could still be hurt, and xe had been hurt quite badly in the past, particularly from people who were meant to care for xem, but xe still had xyr wings, and even if they couldn't stop the pain, xe could still hold the feathers to xyr cheek, and dream of a better place.


End file.
